“You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking
at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me
alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I
am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone
because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It
could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination
of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are
able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact,
and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to
her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation
until you start getting signals to back off.
The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee,
for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date,
he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I
e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response
to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me
again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.
This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the
Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than
terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he
ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if
he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is
certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist
has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who
ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO
in a sexual setting, as well.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a
subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to
be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it
off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her
right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you
believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data."
Read the full article here.
Wanna discuss? It's not as if I'm constantly thinking of rape but it is vital and it is something men should think about. I have met men who, after one date, expected me to email them daily and more than once and who have been pissed that I wasn't even remotely interested as if I it was my duty to be. Some men just don't take no for an answer and this pisses me off, always. So... I think the post addresses vital points.